


Serene

by cosmicshik



Category: VIXX
Genre: Grape Juice, How Do I Tag, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Sad and Happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 20:15:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15979685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicshik/pseuds/cosmicshik
Summary: "There were only empty disjointed thoughts, failed word plays, pointless repetitions, just overall complete sadness, the kind of sadness that makes you feel hollow, so hollow that the void inside you becomes strong enough to suck you in, to suck you into nothingness."Kim Wonshik rethinks happiness.





	Serene

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I'm posting anything in three whole years, I hope you find it acceptable. I was going around translatedvixx and suddenly it hit me how much I love each vixx human, and I was randomly inspired to write this. Weird, I know, heh.
> 
> I hope you enjoy, :')

One step followed by the next, the monotony, the never-ending monotony, the ever existent, ever persistent monotony that always followed him around everywhere he went. There was no escape.

His earphones were plugged in, his "favourite" music was playing, the same tracks on loop, the same music, the same sounds, but the emotions attached to it had now left, now, there was nothing.

Nothing left, but long walks along the sea, walks that didn't end till his legs gave away, and he would have to collapse onto the sand, close to the water. He loved sitting close to the water, letting it gently lap at his feet, comforting him.

Then he would get up and trudge back to his home, his dwelling, his studio, where he spent day after day coming up with new lyrics, new compositions, something, anything new to satisfy himself. But the satisfaction just didn't come. It just wasn't there. 

There were only empty disjointed thoughts, failed word plays, pointless repetitions, just overall complete sadness, the kind of sadness that makes you feel hollow, so hollow that the void inside you becomes strong enough to suck you in, to suck you into nothingness.

That nothingness was so detrimental, it drove him crazy, but it didn't, it made him want to go bungee jumping, but it didn't, it made him feel energetic, like he could conquer everything, but reminded him that he couldn't. 

And it continued.  
Day after day.  
It hurt him, injured him, killed him, but he powered through.  
There would be a better time.  
The better times would come.  
There's always happy endings. 

The countless books he had read always told him that, happiness was eventually attainable for everyone.  
Attainable for everyone... 

But now, he had discovered something new, something that shook him to the core. The singular fact that someone might not know when they were happiest, and would always be struggling to attain happiness, and in that very same struggle, they pass their happiest time unknowingly, and continue to deteriorate their lives further by aiming to achieve something they attained a long time ago. 

And that terrified him.  
The fact that he may have overlooked the time he was happiest.  
It was painful to think about.

Today was another one of those days where he felt weakest, he sat there on his couch, a half empty box of grape juice next to him.

What was happiness?  
What is real actual untainted happiness?  
When was he happiest? 

Was it when he learned to ride his bicycle? Or was it when he sat behind the steering wheel and drove his sister to college?  
When did it happen...

There were always questions, numerous questions, one after the other, in succession, and he never had answers, it made him angry. 

He made himself angry. 

He took another sip of the grape juice he had "borrowed" from his Hongbin, his Hongbin, that always felt nice to say.

Hongbin.  
Hongbin made him happy.  
Hongbin made him really happy. 

Each time Hongbin flashed his smile towards him, his eyes turning into the most perfect crescents, and his dimples becoming so evident, his heart warmed up. A flurry of emotions overtook him and he felt so full. 

What had he done to have crossed paths with this deity, this perfect human, who was so witty, so nerdy, and so selfless, and so caring. 

Who had he saved in his past life to have discovered Hongbin's voice, the most beautiful voice he had heard with his own two ears. A voice so emotive, so moving, so godly that it brought tears to his eyes. Hongbin could be singing about the most insignificant things but once he vocalized those words, nothing was more important, more meaningful. 

Hongbin made him happy.  
Hongbin made him very happy. 

But that was a different happiness. Hongbin, for him, was a constant, he was someone who Kim Wonshik couldn't survive without. He was a support system strong enough to power one after another, and still have more and more love to give. He was too good to be human. And Kim Wonshik was much too lucky to have come across him.

But that didn’t change anything. The sadness was still there. It was still there when Hongbin entered the studio and sank onto the couch, resting his head on Wonshik’s shoulder. A warmth spread through his soul but the sadness didn’t leave.

He held onto Hongbin’s hand, Hongbin’s hands were so tiny compared to his, he loved it. He loved how he could envelope his soulmates' hands in his. It made cold evenings warmer. He loved how they were such contrasting people but they fit so well together, in every way.

He took yet another sip of the grape juice.

“That’s the fourth carton of the day, Shikkie, what’s wrong?”

He smiled over to him. The faintest smile, his eyes met Hongbin’s and they stayed that way. It was momentary satisfaction and he loved it. Looking into his eyes, he felt comforted, every ounce of Hongbin’s existence wanted him to be happy, to be at ease, and he could see that in those beautiful eyes of his.

He loved this boy.  
He loved him so much.

The sadness kept on nagging him, he could either choose to continue sulking about his sadness, his unfound happiness, or he could say fuck this, and try and live in the present. Could try and pave his own path to happiness, a happiness that wasn’t momentary, but a kind of happiness that would stay with him, that would comfort him and warm him, a kind of happiness that would make him feel fulfilled.

Happiness that contained the sadness that he had been trying to run away from for so long, a kind of happiness where he could smile at the pathway that he paved, and hold onto the things that meant so much to him.

A reality where he could be happy without disregarding the sadness that he went through, a reality where he could hold Hongbin’s hand and tell him that he drank four cartons of grape juice so that he could witness him being sulky, and then reiterate his love for him to the extent where Hongbin would be blushing enough to not be able to make eye contact.

A reality where he would be content.

**Author's Note:**

> So, that's that, if you wish to communicate about this piece feel free to do so. I'm pretty elated that I managed to actually piece this together, and find the confidence to post it up.  
> Also, a whole thank you to twitter user alette_star, because wow they helped me a lot.   
> (P. S. go read, a match made in heaven, it's beautiful) 
> 
> kudos & comments will always be appreciated, thank you. 
> 
> :)


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